What horses can teach you about how to ask for what you need

Scratch me here, right here

Horses have parts of their bodies that unlike that well known beer’s tag line “can’t reach the parts that other horses can reach”.  So horses work together to get those itchy places scratched.  It’s called “nubbing”.  How they do it is they approach another horse, one that they have a good relationship established with, they approach face to face and then come in closer so they are more neck to neck, and then they begin to find the place on the other horses body to scratch starting with around base of the neck.  The reciprocating horse will then scratch them back in the place that they have indicated that they are itchy. They effectively mirror where each other are scratching but one horse is communicating about and intiating the place that needs to be reached.

So the initiating horse is letting the other horse know exactly what it needs and where and when.

How good are you at asking for your need to be met in your team?
Think of 2 needs right now that you could ask your team or leader to provide for you?

Does anything stops you from asking?

The horse who is asking to be scratched has to get close to another horse.  This means they make themselves vulnerable.  The horse with the itchy need also has to have a confidence that the horse it approaches will join in and scratch it in return.  No expectations of rejection, aggression, being told “get lost I’m doing something else”(metaphorically).  So a relationship has already been established.  Trust already exists.  Because there is trust the horse has confidence that it can approach another horse to ask to be scratched.  The other thing I notice is the horse with the itch is very specific about what it needs and exactly where.

When you watch this exchange between two horses nubbing it can become very intense and thorough and looks like they are both really enjoying the experience.

So I have some questions for you to ponder.

Who will you make a bold step with and dip your toe in the water of vulnerability and risk asking to meet a need that you have?

Or

Is there someone you would like to build more trust with in your team?

How could you make yourself available for them to ask you for help when they need it?

How could you let them know that you are there for them whenever they need something from you?

What words could you use to let them know that they can always approach you with 100% confidence?  When would be a good time to say that to them next?  What would be the best way to say that to them?  When will you do it?  Today?

I promise that whether you are the one asking for a need to be met or the one giving to that need that the interchange will be mutually beneficial.  A win – win.

I’d love to hear what happens.  Please leave a comment to share the experience.